Dublin/Words (Weekend Jokes)

Dublin Bar

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin,

Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room,

Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three
more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ……….
Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America ; & de odder in Australia ;  & here I am in Dublin .  When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all dranktogedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom & says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer, & always drinks the same way …….
Ordering three pints & drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are
finished.

One day, he comes in & orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice!  & fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round,

The barman says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops & he starts to
laugh,

“Oh no,” he says, “Bejesus, everyone is fine !

Tis me, ……………………. I’ve
Quit Drinking !”

Thank You Campbell for the joke.

Male and Female Students

An English Professor wrote the following words on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly – “A woman without her man is nothing”
 
All the males in the class wrote, “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote, “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn’t know how to say it, so he asks his father, “Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?”

“I only said ‘OH NO!!!’ and then we got married the next day.”

Words

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said “What?”

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