Customer/Nine Months (Weekend Jokes)

Demanding Customer

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it to be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
 
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.
 
“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

• Why is the book “Women Who Love Too Much” a disappointment for many men? – No phone numbers.
• If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
• A closed mouth gathers no feet
• It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.
• If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
  “Quit while your ahead”?!

Nine Months Later

Bruce and Bob were on their way to the ski resort when they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They found a farmhouse and asked its rather attractive housewife if they could spend the night. “Oh, I don’t think so,” she explained. “You see, I’m recently divorced and you know how neighbours will talk.”
 
“Well, then,” said Bruce, “how about if we just sleep in your barn?” That seemed acceptable to all.

About nine months later, Bruce got a letter from the woman’s attorney. He immediately phoned his ski buddy, Bob. “Hey, Bob. Do you remember our ski trip and that good-looking divorcee? You didn’t happen to sneak into her house in the middle of the night, did you?”
 
“Well, yeah, I did.”

“And, by any chance did you happen to use my name instead of yours?”

Bob blushed. “Well, yeah, I’m afraid I did.”

“Hey, thanks! She just died and left me everything!”

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