Girl or Money/Driving/Golf Clubs (Weekend Jokes)

 The Girl or the Money?

Once there was a billionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool at the back of his mansion. The billionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.  

One day, the billionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.  

The billionaire was impressed. He said, “That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?” The guy catches his breath, then says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the (insert word) who pushed me in the pool!”

• What happened to the fishing boat that sank in piranha fish infested waters? It came back with a skeleton crew.
• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
• If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
• You’re showered with knowledge if you know that tomato is a fruit. You’re showered with wisdom when you don’t add it in the fruit salad.

Who’s Driving?

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate, the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” said the beaming boy to his old man.

“Nope,” came dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for sixteen years.”

 Golf Clubs

There was a businesswoman who just made an extra 3 Billion dollars for an Arabian Oil Sheik. When she was leaving the Oil Sheik offered her Diamonds and rubies and a Silver-plated Rolls Royce, but she declined.  

The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice.  

A few weeks later she received a telegram from the sheik.   “So far I have bought you 3 Golf Clubs. I hope you aren’t disappointed that only 2 of them have swimming pools.”