It Pays to be Old/The Old Man (Weekend Jokes)

It Pays to be Old
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

old couple gifHolding hands they walked back to their old school.  It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared where Andy had carved
“I love you, Sally.”

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home.  There, she counted the money: Fifty-thousand dollars! 

 Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”  

Sally said, “Finders keepers.”  

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.

“Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”     Sally said, “No.”  

Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”  

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.  

One says: “Tell us the story from the beginning” 

 Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..”

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, “We’re outta here.”

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  •  We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

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The Old Man
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to Church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful old man2 gifattendance, the Priest went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Priest asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”

The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

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79 Responses to It Pays to be Old/The Old Man (Weekend Jokes)

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    That a way Mags … Back to leading us into the weekend with grinds. I wasn’t sure where the first one was going, but ah ha … good chuckle. Have a good and safe weekend. …. and stay cool down there.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Frank,
      Yes my first weekend jokes in nearly 6 mths. :) Glad you enjoyed them.
      Oh yes good ol summer in Oz, hot this morning as usual, sitting in front of the fan, it is 5.30am and the temmp is just under 27C or 81F, so comfortable until later in the day. :D
      You also have a great weekend.

  2. I love the Sally and Andy story! Have a great weekend!

  3. raisingdaisy says:

    HAHAHA Those are some good chuckles to take into the weekend! Thanks Maggie! :)

  4. Loved Sally and Andy…and the rest as well! So glad to have the Weekend Jokes back!

  5. JP says:

    Hoorah! She’s back, bigger OOPS and better..

  6. Love all that you posted today. WIsh I had found you sooner.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi petspeopleandlife,
      Thank You, it’s nice to know you enjoyed the jokes. :)
      Thank You also for taking the time to comment, and have a great weekend.

  7. viveka says:

    Thanks for the big smiles …. all of it – but the best vote goes to the first one – and I will remember the last one … now when I have a chance to become 150. Have a great weekend.

  8. Thanks Magsx2, I’m ready to face the weekend now in high spirits.

  9. Windsmoke. says:

    Andy, Sally and Pizza one get my vote.

  10. Elyse says:

    Oh I missed these happy ways to start my weekend! NOW you’re back, Mags!

  11. robincoyle says:

    Ha! Remind me to not go to church. Don’t want to give God any big ideas.

  12. malc50Mal says:

    Thanks for starting the weekend with a smile Mags. Cheers.

  13. rebekajo says:

    How Great to have the chuckles back! They were all good, but the first was so cute..

    A few minutes ago, in the news, they talked about the temps in Oz … horrific … and some orange-coloured dust storm!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi rebekajo,
      Glad you had a bit of a laugh. :D
      Yes the dust storm is on the other side of Australia to me, the dust storm is heading for Western Australia, apparently a cyclone is mixed in there somewhere.
      Some parts of Oz have had very hot weather this summer, and the media are going for it. :D For example the other day here where I live the weather powers said it would reach 37C (99F) it was in the papers every day, TV station started to drive me made about it all, but it only got to 32C (90F) that day. :D
      Our average temp in summer where I live is anything up to 35C (95F) but of course some times it does get a lot hotter than the average. Unfortunately a lot of us our missing out on our summer storms which help to cool it all down a bit, so far not much of that at all.

      • rebekajo says:

        All this makes me so thankful that I am where I am, where temperatures are moderate all year round. I would die!
        My Australian friend, who lives in Sweden, are there visiting now. She said the other day on FB, that it was 38C where she was. I don’t know how you guys do it — the nights must be unbearable..

        • magsx2 says:

          It is a little cooler at night but still hot. I’m the opposite I don’t know if I would be able to handle really cold weather. :D I suppose it’s what our bodies are used too. :)

  14. Glad to see you back Mags! Those were great jokes too – I love that last one! Hope you have a terrific weekend!

  15. Excellent, great to have you back. Missed these.

  16. Barb says:

    Ahhhhhh….life is back to norma and joking again. thanks.

  17. adinparadise says:

    Aaaw, so sweet that last one. :D

  18. El Guapo says:

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the weekend should begin.
    After I stopped laughing, I read the first one to my wife.
    She laughed too. :D

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi El Guapo,
      Oh yes it is always good to have a smile on your face at the beginning of the weekend.
      That is fantastic that you both enjoyed the joke. :)
      Have a great weekend.

  19. kymbo says:

    Great jokes, I needed a good laugh and as usual you gave it to me..

  20. niasunset says:

    It is so nice to see you back dear Mags. This was great joke. Thank you, have a nice weekend, love, nia

  21. Thanks so much for cheering us up – loved the last one! I feel rather guilty…while you’re sitting in sweltering hot conditions, I’m expecting the first snow flakes here in Wales to fall at any moment…temperature’s dropping rapidly now. Glad you’re back to your “old” form, making us smile:)

  22. Linda Vernon says:

    Haha! Good chuckles all three Mags! :D

  23. dearrosie says:

    Hooray Mags is back with her weekend jokes again. You score three out of three for these jokes – although I like them all my fave was #1.

  24. BoJo Photo says:

    Great jokes Mags! It pays to be the old couple!

    A couple was driving down the road one day. The wife kept telling her husband to slow down so he wouldn’t get a ticket. On and on she went without her husband slowing down.

    After a while an officer on the side of the road saw them and turned his lights on to stop them.

    The man’s wife scolded him for not slowing down.

    When the cop walked up to the window he asked the wife, “Do you always yell at your husband like this?”

    To which she replied, “No, only when he is drinking!” :)

    Have a great weekend Mags!

  25. Madhu says:

    Loved the first one :lol:

  26. Hotly Spiced says:

    That is such a good start to my Sunday – so many good jokes there. Enjoy the weekend, Mags xx

  27. Cafe says:

    Aww, missed your jokes, Mags! :)
    Usually there’s one that stands out to me the most but I liked each one of these equally! So funny! =P

  28. I love them all. My elderly self can identify with the Age jokes.

  29. “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” – :) That’s me!!! My shins always have at least one bruise at any given moment…

  30. Yes, so glad to have you back. Ha Ha!
    Scott

  31. Love a good giggle in the morning, thank you!

  32. bronxboy55 says:

    Great stuff, Mags. I always look forward to seeing what’s new on your blog.

  33. Jokes! Yeah! Love them all, especially the first one. Have a good weekend.

  34. jfossbakk says:

    Great writing! Both the stories and jokes made a big smile on my face :-)

  35. Now if only the cops could arrive WITH pizza, it would all be alright =)

  36. Hey, I know you are very busy, but check out my post tomorrow as I have nominated you for an award (well, two, actually).
    Scott

  37. Arindam says:

    I missed all these fun, during your blogging break Mags!! Well come back!! And thank you for the laughter!! :)

  38. munchow says:

    Great jokes. I think I like the Old Man the best.

  39. Haven’t forgotten you, Dear Friend, just letting you do what you need to do.
    Just dropping you a note to see how you are doing.
    Scott

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