Things you should know. (Midweek Joke)

 1.  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2.  Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.

3.  No one is listening until you fart.

4.  Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

5.  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6.  If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7.  Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8..  If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9.  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog,  some days you are the tree.

13. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience … and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse … then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

                  Thank You Campbell for the above Joke.

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4 Responses to Things you should know. (Midweek Joke)

  1. malc50 says:

    Thanks magsx2. Very Good! Although meant as a joke, there is some truth to a number of these statements. You could add in Murphy’s Law: “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” or Mal’s Law: “If you’re running late, you will catch all the red lights, but if you leave early to allow for hold-ups along the way, all will be plain sailing – all green lights!”

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi malc50,
      Glad you ejoyed the joke. Yes there is some truth in some of the statements. Mal’s Law sounds a lot like Mags Law, and most likely Millions of others, it always happens, when you leave early, smooth sailing all the way.

  2. Sue says:

    Very good joke from Campbell, I also tried to put a like on put couldn’t do it, I don’t know why, anyway by reading this comment a few girls in the office also enjoyed the joke. So there are actually about 6 more likes to add to mags.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Sue,
      I think you have to be signed in to click onto a like. I’m sure Campbell will read the comments. Glad I could put a bit of laughter into the office this morning, hope you all have a great day.

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