A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.”
Later that night, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming too, I want to see how you live on £800 a year.”
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress and figuring that the fellow was in need of some assistance, proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. But his attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, “May I help you, my son?”
“I dunno….” came the drunk’s voice from behind the partition. “You got any toilet paper on your side?”