Really Bad Day.
There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.”
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you, you jack-ass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on ‘start’ for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…
Tech support: Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?
Customer: Can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
A woman customer called the help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’
Tech support: ‘Okay Colin, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
Customer: I don’t have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Thank You for the above jokes Peter M.