Australia Day, Language, Jokes, Kangaroo Video

Australia Day (previously known as Anniversary Day, Foundation Day and ANA Day) is the official national day of Australia. Celebrated annually on 26 January, the day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788, the hoisting of the British flag there, and the proclamation of British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of New Holland.

Australia Day is an official public holiday in every state and territory of Australia, and is marked by the Order of Australia and Australian of the Year awards, along with an address from the Prime Minister.

Although it was not known as Australia Day until over a century later, records of celebrations on 26 January date back to 1808, with Governor Lachlan Macquarie having held the first official celebration of the formation of New South Wales in 1818. In 2004, an estimated 7.5 million people attended Australia Day celebrations and functions across the country.
Learn more in Wikipedia

The Australian Language.

G’day mate = Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Aussie = Australian, dinky di aussie, true blue.—-Pissed = Drunk, plastered, intoxicated.

You little ripper! = Words of praise, good on ya, well done.

Go on = I’m not entirely convinced you know what your talking about.

Bloody Oath = In total agreeance with you.——- Brew = Coffee

Roo,Boomer = Kangaroo—Arvo = Afternoon—- Spit the dummy = Throw a tantrum

Fair Dinkum = True, honest, Is that right.—- Whadayawant = May I enquire about your needs?

Crust = To earn money—Mate = Friend, buddy.

Tinny = Can of beer.———-You Drongo = An idiot, dimwitted person.

Your shout = Your turn to buy the next round of drinks.

No Worries = Everything will be okay —-Shelia = Woman, female.

Brown nosing = Sucking up to the boss. —-Bob’s your Uncle = No worries, she’ll be right.

Dead horse = Tomato sauce.——Sanga = Sandwich——- Snag = Sausage

Water the horse = Men say this when they are going to the toilet.

Vegemite = A black yeast extract, spred on bread or toast.

Drop your guts = Someone who has just farted, passed wind.

Ridgey Didge = Speaking the truth, real, fair dinkum.—-Hooroo = Good-bye, see ya.

Dunny = Toilet, loo, throne.——Nackered = Stuffed, tired 

Fair crack of the whip = Calm down, enough is enough.

Shit the bed = Getting up early, arriving early——-Hit the sack = Going to bed.

Dad and Dave = Having a shower and a shave.

Thingamebob = An item, object, when you forget the name of the object.

Aussie Jokes

If it takes an IQ of 60 to tie shoelaces, why do so many Australians wear thongs?
——————————————
An Aussie pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook and an eye patch.
The Barman says ‘Sheesh – How’d you lose the leg’

The Pirate says ‘Arrrrr – A shark took it off at the knee’

The Barman says ‘Thats no good, what about the hand?’

The Piarate says ‘Arrrrg – Lost it in a bloody bar brawl’

The Barman says ‘Jeez – Well what about the eye then?’

The Pirate says ‘Thats easy a seagul crapped in it’

The Barman says ‘What?!?!’

The Pirate says ‘Arrrrrrr…I’d only had the hook one day…’
————————————————-
A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her, “Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.”
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.
—————————————————–
A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young Australian couple in bed. He orders the bloke out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.

While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: “Listen, this guy’s an escaped inmate, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years… I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”

To which the wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay,thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!”

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14 Responses to Australia Day, Language, Jokes, Kangaroo Video

  1. malc50 says:

    Hi China (= China Plate = mate) or cobber (= pal, buddy), as my uncle used to say, To a number of indigenous Australians, “Australia Day” is “Invasion Day”. A “brew” to me is usually tea, but can be coffee or even beer. I’m not knocking “Australia Day”, but Australia’s premier national Public Holiday is “ANZAC Day”.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi malc50,
      Yes Anzac Day is very important, always will be I hope. I often wonder if they still teach about Anzac Day at school, or the history at all, there has been so many changes made these days to what kids learn.

  2. malc50 says:

    Hi magsx2, The introduction of SOSE (Study of Society and the Environment) into the school curriculum 20 years ago, replacing History/Geography/Civics, meant History took a back seat. John Howard was responsible for bringing History to the fore as a compulsory subject in the new proposed Australian National Curriculum. He believed it was important to foster a National identity in all Australian school children, and the compulsory study of History was seen as a way towards this. http://www.acara.edu.au/verve/_resources/Australian_Curriculum_-_History.pdf gives the History Curriculum in four parts: (i) Ancient History 60000 BC – 500 AD; (ii) 500 AD – 1750 AD; (iii) The Modern World and Australia (1750 – 1901); and (iv) Australia in the Modern World (1901 – present).

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi malc50,
      Thank You very much for the information, it is reassuring to know that Australian History is still being taught, I hope our present Government doesn’t change this too much, a very good link, Thanks again.

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  4. travelrat says:

    My favourite Australian joke:

    A man was relieving himself out in the bush when he got bitten by a snake. His friend rushed to him on hearing his cry of pain and asked what was the matter.

    ‘I’ve just been bitten on the backside by a snake!’

    The friend whipped out his mobile phone to call the doctor, but couldn’t get a signal. So, he had to move away some distance before he had any success. The doctor said:

    ‘You must suck the poison out, or your friend will be dead in ten minutes!’

    He went back to the patient. who asked:

    ‘What’d the doctor say, mate?’
    ‘He said you’re gonna be bloody dead in ten minutes!’

  5. Pingback: Happy Australia Day! | To Australia

  6. gregoryno6 says:

    If koalas are that aggressive we should drop a few planeloads on the Taliban.

  7. kymbo says:

    As always a great group of jokes Mags, I come here to get my ‘fix’.

  8. EternalForms says:

    Happy belated Australia day! 🙂 Loved the jokes, too. The last one is hilarious!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi EternalForms,
      Thank You, it was a public holiday here in OZ, and we had a great day with friends, and of course the Aussie Barbie. It’s always good to have a bit of a laugh every now and then, glad you enjoyed the jokes.

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