A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bulls**t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
A doctor finishes his examination of a woman, takes the husband aside and says, “I don’t like the look of your wife at all.”
”Me neither doc,” replies the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
A woman gets up, puts up the shade, takes the cover off the parrot’s cage, makes coffee, and smokes a cigarette. Suddenly the phone rings – her boyfriend saying he’s coming over.
She snubs out the cigarette, pulls down the shade, unplugs the coffee pot, puts the cover back on the parrot’s cage, and gets back into bed.
From under cover, the parrot mutters, “Well that was a short f’n day!”