Traffic (Weekend Jokes)

 Traffic Cop.
A traffic cop stopped a car for erratic driving and ordered the driver to undergo an alcohol contents test. The driver obeyed, and the device showed an excessive level of alcohol.

“You device is out of order,” the driver said. “My wife doesn’t drink at all. Try it on her.”
The cop agreed, but the device showed alcohol presence in the wife’s blood as well.

“You see?” the driver said. “It’s a bad device.”
“No, just your wife is drunk as well,” the cop insisted.
“Then try on my kid, he certainly doesn’t drink.”

The couple produced a sleeping child, woke him, and made him go through the alcohol test. Again, the device showed high level of alcohol in blood.
“D’you see now?” the driver said. “Bad device.’
The cop apologized and let the car through.

As they drove away, the husband said with a glee,
“Ha!  And you kept saying ‘Don’t give the kid alcohol!!!

Traffic Camera
A man was driving through an intersection when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture had just been taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot again, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area another time, but the traffic camera flashed yet again.

He even tried this a fourth time with the exact same result.
The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail’s pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic citations in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

Parking Ticket
The local priest returns to his car to find an Officer in the process of giving him a parking ticket.
Priest: “Hello there, you couldn’t see you’re way clear to forgetting about that could you, my son.”
Officer: “Sorry, farther, once I’ve started filling the form in I’ve got to finish”
Priest: “That’s OK. It’s my fault. I parked in the wrong place.”
Officer: “That’s very good of you, we usually get all kinds of abuse in these circumstances.”
Priest: “Wouldn’t here of such a thing, after all it was my fault. We’re having a tea party this weekend would you like to come?”
Officer: “Well, that is good of you, farther. Yes, I’ll be there. It’s so refreshing to talk to someone who understands the position I’m in.”
Priest: “Maybe you would like to bring you’re mother and farther along, as well, and I could marry them!”

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8 Responses to Traffic (Weekend Jokes)

  1. travelrat says:

    True story! Happened about 30 years ago.

    Cop stopped a sports car doing 120 mph down the motorway.

    ‘All right!’ he said ‘Who do you think you are? Stirling Moss?’
    ‘No!’ said the driver, pointing to his passenger ‘I’m Jackie Stewart. He’s Stirling Moss!’

    (Yes, it really was them; but my friend hoped he never got pulled for speeding. His name? Nigel Mansell!)

  2. malc50 says:

    🙂 Thanks Mags. Havagoodweekend.

  3. malc50 says:

    I’ll be able to relax in a few weeks, Mags. First semester has been a challenge (though I’ve enjoyed every minute of it!), with 10 classes across 6 subjects, with a total of 184 students. In second semester, it’ll be a lighter load with only 4 classes across 2 subjects, with only 77 students in total. That sounds more like semi-retirement!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      It’s good to hear your work load will be getting a bit lighter, this may at least give you a bit more time. Semi-retirement? No you are still working too hard for that one. 🙂

  4. malc50 says:

    Hi Mags, I’ve been wondering whether to mention the May 21, 2011 “Judgement Day” in a blog or not. What do you reckon? All b…….t of course. Best not to upset impressionable people and not to give publicity to the loonies? It’s interesting how they can make all the natural disasters lately (“pestilence” – mice plagues in NSW, “famine” – supposedly arising from the Mississippi floods, …) sound biblical. One writer is predicting the mother of all earthquakes for Los Angeles on May 21, 2011, with the end of all the world on 21 October 2011. The second coming of the Roman Empire (predicted apparently in the Bible) is in evidence because of the “Euro” performing better than the US dollar! I surfed the latest postings on the internet this morning before I went in to Uni to do more marking. Freedom of speech can result in a lot of wild statements.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      I think it would be a very interesting post. Go for it. Yes wild statements will always be around, but they also can be fun to read. You have control of your comments, I would definitely go for it.

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