Trains (Weekend Jokes)

The Lawyer and the Farmer
A lawyer gets on a train to go to London. He sits next to a poor farmer. To pass the time the lawyer decides to play a game with the guy.

“I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me £1. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get £10. You ask me a question first.”
The farmer thinks for a while. “I know”, he says, “what has three legs, takes 10 hours to climb up a palm tree, and 10 seconds to get back down?”

The lawyer is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train is approaching London. As it pulls into the station, the lawyer takes out £10 and gives it to the farmer.
“I don’t know. What has 3 legs, takes 10 hours to get up a palm tree and 10 seconds to get back down?”

The farmer takes the £10 and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out £1 and hands it to the lawyer and says:
“I don’t know either.”

 Traveler:- “What’s the use of you having a time table if your rotten trains never stick to it?!”
Conductor:- ” Well, sir… how would you even know they was runnin’ late if not for the timetable?”

The Train Ride
A young technician and his boss board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.

The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.” The boss is setting there thinking: “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!” The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother hadn’t slapped him!”

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life at work is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his boss all at the same time!”


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14 Responses to Trains (Weekend Jokes)

  1. travelrat says:

    A Texan on an English train was boasting to his fellow passengers how big Texas was.

    ‘I can get on a train in Texas, and two days later, I’m still in Texas!’

    Yorkie wasn’t impressed.

    ‘Aye!’ he said ‘Our trains are bloody awful, too!’

  2. Ian says:

    That last joke was excellent, had to smile about the tech.

  3. malc50 says:

    Loved the one about the kiss and the slap, Mags! Cheers.

  4. kymbo says:

    Great jokes (as always) Thanks for the laugh

  5. Rebekah says:

    Ha! Good ones … great way to start this soggy Saturday 🙂

  6. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha! They ALL made me laugh, but I particularly liked the train conductor/timetable one!! Thanx for visiting and commenting on my blog – it’s always a pleasure to hear from you! So glad you liked my rainbow!!!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Red Nomad OZ,
      It is always good to have a laugh, makes for a nice weekend. Thank You for visiting me over here in WordPress Land, always nice to hear from you.

  7. Gregoryno6 says:

    Melbourne’s train system was founded on that timetable joke.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Gregoryno6,
      Why does that not surprise me.
      I think it was founded on a lot of timetables, we are no different here in Brisbane either. 🙂

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