The Accountant/Flying Blonde (Weekend Jokes)

The Accountant

“Where’s my $3 million?” the crime boss shouts.

The lawyer explains, “Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate.” So using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the money, and the message is relayed back that the accountant knows nothing about it.

Furious, the crime boss pulls out a revolver and puts it to the deaf accountant’s head, screaming at the lawyer, “Ask him again where my money is!”

“Okay!Okay!” the deaf accountant signs back. “The money’s hidden behind the old toolshed in my back yard.”

“What did he say?” demands the enraged crime boss.

The attorney replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”


  • Q: What happened after Miss New Jersey, Amy Polumbo, lost her crown due to racy pics being leaked from her Facebook Account?
    A: Amy Polumbo received a million friend requests!
  • “Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste time at work.”
  • Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.

Flying Blonde

A plane is on its way to Montreal when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for Economy and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blonde sitting in First Class who belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she will have to leave and return to her seat. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Montreal and I’m staying right here!”

The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason. The pilot says “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak ‘blonde’!” He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says “Oh, I’m sorry”. . . gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.

The flight attendant and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said make her move without any fuss. “I told her First Class isn’t going to Montreal.

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11 Responses to The Accountant/Flying Blonde (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Rebekah says:

    These were really good! Thanks LOL

  2. Gregoryno6 says:

    “First class isn’t going to Montreal.” Very good.

  3. malc50 says:

    Where was first class going to?

  4. Pingback: The Accountant/Flying Blonde (Weekend Jokes) | Magsx2's Blog | MyMegalinks

  5. souldipper says:

    Dumb Accountant for not reading lips! πŸ˜€

  6. travelrat says:

    OK: an extra Q&A for you:

    Q. What do you do if you find last year’s winner of ‘The X Factor’ on your doorstep?
    A. Pay him for the pizza!

    (Boom! boom!) πŸ˜€

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