Garden (Weekend Jokes)

Tomatoe Garden

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his Tomato garden but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo – I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me. Love, Papa.

A few days later he received a letter from his son…

Dear Papa – I’d do anything for you Papa, except dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies. Love, Vinnie.

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa – Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, Vinnie.

  • “I do not like broccoli.  And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.”
    –  George Bush, U.S. President, 1990 
  • “A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.”
    –  Doug Larson
  • “What does the letter “A” have in common with a flower?
    They both have bees coming after them.”
    –  Kim Roblin

The Garden Shed

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.


He phoned the police, who asked “Is someone in your house?”

He said “No,” but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said “All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.”


George said, “Okay.”


He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.
“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I just shot them.” and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips’ residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!”
George said, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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18 Responses to Garden (Weekend Jokes)

  1. malc50 says:

    🙂
    Havagoodweekend Mags!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      Thank You, it is beautiful weather here at the moment in Brisbane, so it looks like being a great weekend, 🙂 I hope the weather has fined up for you also.

  2. Rebekah says:

    ROFL … they were all funny but the last one was outstanding!!!

  3. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha, liked them all, as usual! I try to choose a favourite every time – but that’s too hard!! Have a great weekend – what’s left of it!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Red Nomad OZ,
      It has so far been great, it is supposed to be another beautiful day here tomorrow, so we are having a few friends over for a barbie, it’s always good to get together with friends on the weekend if possible.

  4. travelrat says:

    Good ones!

    The third one reminded me of the Major (true story)

    A bunch of teenagers were larking about on the swings (age limit, 9 years!) and the Major told them to desist. They started giving him cheek, and the Major said he’d like to take his stick to them.

    Whereupon, one of the kids produced a mobile phone, and called the police, saying he was being threatened with assault.

    THEN:
    A prowl car pitched up, manned by three police officers (the regular crew were giving another policeman a lift) followed by a foot patrol who were ‘puppy walking’ a probationer.

    Six police officers! remarked the Major. That’s six more than I got last month, when my toolshed was broken into, and £500 worth of stuff taken.

    Whereupon one of the lads said:
    ‘You lying old git! We only got fifty quid for the lot!

    (Comealogwime,melad!’ 😀

  5. bingbing says:

    LULZ..

    Except… the FBI in Italy?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi bingbing,
      I’m glad you had a laugh at the other jokes, I personally liked the FBI digging up the old man’s garden for him. 🙂

    • travelrat says:

      FBI in Italy?

      Easier to spell than ‘Carabinieri’ ?? 😀

      • magsx2 says:

        I didn’t know they were called Carabinieri, I don’t think I could even pronounce that one properly if I tried. 🙂 Definitely not as funny, I would not have understood what that was. 😆

  6. souldipper says:

    Enjoy the weekend, Mags! Thanks for the good laughs. 😀

  7. Loved it. Thanks for the laughs this morning!

  8. Jo-Anne says:

    My favorite was the one about the garden followed by the one about the shed, thanks mags for giving me a chuckle this morning………..

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