Leroy/Repairman (Weekend Jokes)

Leroy
Poor Leroy had fallen on hard times. He lost his job at the fertilizer plant, his wife had left him, his unemployment had run out, and he was evicted from his apartment. He packed what little he had in a knapsack, made a little sign that read “Will work for food” and set off down the road on foot.
      
Toward the middle of the day, he came to a farmhouse. He was getting very hungry, and so he knocked on the front door. A woman answered, and Leroy explained his situation, and how he could do most anything and how hungry he was.
      
At first the woman wanted no part of Leroy, but he persisted. Finally she asked “Can you paint?”
      
“Oh yes, ma’am,” Leroy said, “I sure can paint. I’ve done a lot of painting. Just let me show you.” The woman relented, found a can of paint and a brush and said, “You go around back and paint the porch, and I’ll fix you dinner.” Happily, Leroy went to work.
      
About 40 minutes later, Leroy appeared at the front door. “Are you finished so soon?” asked the woman.
      
“Oh yes, ma’am,” said Leroy, “but I think you ought to know that’s not a Porsche, it’s a Volvo.”

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Repairman
Mrs. Broomfield’s dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman.  He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. By the way, don’t worry about my Rottweiler. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!”

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Broomfield’s apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen.  But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant squawking and talking. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled: “Shut up, you stupid bird!”
To which the parrot replied: “Get him, Brutus!

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Jokes and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Leroy/Repairman (Weekend Jokes)

  1. malc50 says:

    Thanks Mags, Love the parrot joke in particular! 🙂 Cheers, Mal

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      Yes the parrot one is funny.
      I hope your not working too hard, I gather you will get a bit of a break during the September Holidays?

      • malc50 says:

        Hi Mags, I’ve been offered further work with a second University, assisting to mark work from 600 first year students. I was going to knock it back, then reconsidered with my superannuation accumulation fund not looking good in the current financial climate.

  2. travelrat says:

    Heard this one the other day, which I think you’d like:

    An Air Force cargo aircraft landed at a base in northern Canada in the wee small hours of the morning, and the Captain ordered refuelling and the toilet tank emptying. The ‘honey cart’ didn’t arrive as quickly as he would have liked, and he told the airman in charge he would guff him if he didn’t slap it around a bit.

    The airman said ‘I am an Airman Second Class, the lowest rank in the Air Force. We are 1500 miles from the nearest settlement. It is 40 below and 3 o’ clock in the morning, and I pump s*** from aircraft. So, how can they punish me?’

  3. Mags, I so look forward to the jokes for the weekend. You never disappoint. Thanks!

  4. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Hilarious parrot joke! Thank you, magsx2 – just what I needed!

  5. Rebekah says:

    Mags,
    As usual, I really enjoyed the jokes … these ones even more so than usual.

    By the way, I believe that to be very true about grown up … we only learn how to act in public 🙂

  6. hansi says:

    The Leroy joke was great

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s