Jury/Bait (Weekend Jokes)

The Jury
In a criminal justice system based on 12 individuals not smart enough to get out of jury duty, here is a jury of which to be proud.

A defendant was on trial for murder.  There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse.  In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all, ‘the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.  ‘Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.  ‘He looked toward the courtroom door.  The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed.  Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, ‘Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed, and I insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.’

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.  A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

‘But how?’ inquired the lawyer.  ‘You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.’  The jury foreman replied, ‘Yes, we did look, but your client didn’t look he just stared straight ahead.’

  • Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

No Bait
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth…

 

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Jokes and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Jury/Bait (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Rebekah says:

    Loved them … as usual! 🙂

    I always read these to my husband, who is really into jokes and who gets oodles of them in his email. It’s very rare that he has heard any of yours before, so he really appreciates them too..

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Rebekah,
      Thank You for letting me know, that’s great. There are so many jokes that go around in e-mails, I just hope that there is some that some people haven’t already seen, so I am glad that you and your Hubby are reading some you hadn’t heard before.

  2. travelrat says:

    Got a ‘jury joke’, but it’s not really suitable for a family audience 😀

    But, I wanted to point you at the ‘Pic of the Week’ at http://travelrat.wordpress.com/pic-of-the-week; something you recently posted about.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi travelrat,
      I forgot you took that photo, is it the same crop circle that was in the paper that I sent you a copy of? If so the jorno’s are a bit behind the eight ball I think. 🙂

      • travelrat says:

        I only took this particular photo the other day … the one I previously mentioned was taken in the same field in, I think (I’d need to look it up among stuff filed away in the garage) 1998 or 1999?

        I put it up at http://www.flickr.com/photos/31258795@N00/6062516326/in/photostream ; let me know you’ve seen it, then I’ll take it down again, for it’s not a very good pic.

        • magsx2 says:

          It is the same field, it seems odd the crop circles keep happening in the same place.

          • travelrat says:

            Well, they were many years apart; over at Alton Barnes, they appeared in the same field over consecutive years. And, the respective farmers both swore they had nothing to do with it … they each lost several hundred pounds’ worth of corn.

            Strange thing about this earlier one was, a friend flew over the field in an Army helicopter half an hour before the circles were first reported, at the specific request of his passenger, who wanted to take photos of Stonehenge.

            And, they had photographic evidence there was nothing there when they passed over!

            (There’s gotta be a logical explanation for this, Mulder! :D)

          • magsx2 says:

            Thank You for the info. That is really strange, very intriguing.

  3. kymbo says:

    Theres some rippers here Mags, you come up with the good again!

  4. malc50 says:

    🙂 Enjoy your weekend, Mags. You may have plenty to write about when the “Convoy of No Confidence” reaches Canberra on Monday. Cheers, Mal. [I am no fan of Julia’s (and less of Bob Brown’s), but I don’t see Tony Abbott as a viable alternative. Where does that leave us?]

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      I believe some of the convoy will be arriving in Canberra tomorrow, I think it’s 3 convoy’s, so that it may help with the traffic problem, I don’t actually agree with this, but that may of been what the authorities may of asked for, it would be way better to have the whole 11 convoys arrive on Monday for the impact I feel, we will just have to wait and see. I’m thinking of doing a convoy post tonight, (other blog) there are a lot of good pictures, especially for Charter Towers. You also have a good weekend Mal. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s