Diary/Bicycle (Weekend Jokes)

Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.  We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.  I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. 

Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.  I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’  I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.  H e said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.  On the way home, I told him that I loved him.  He smiled slightly, and kept driving.  I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’  When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.  He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.  He continued to seem distant and absent. 

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.  About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.  To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love.  But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is a disaster.

 His Diary:
 Boat wouldn’t start, can’t figure it out, at least I got lucky.

Thank You Glen for the joke.

  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  • God must love stupid people. He made so many.

The Bicycle
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was  leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them, was how to speak English. 

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief,
‘This is a tree.’
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, ‘Tree.’  

The Priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says,
‘This is a rock.’
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, ‘Rock.’  

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of Natives in the midst of heavy love making.  

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, ‘Man riding a bike.’  

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.  

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?  

The chief replied, ‘My bike.’ 

Thank You Glen for the joke.

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18 Responses to Diary/Bicycle (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Some of the best jokes yet. The Diary one had me on the floor. I forwarded it to my hubby!!

    Have a good weekend, Mags!!!

  2. malc50 says:

    🙂 Havagoodweekend, Mags. Overcast, with a fine drizzle at the moment in the usually-sunny north of the State. Cheers.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      We are also getting light showers here as well, and it’s rather cold, a good day to stay in, and catch up on some movies. 🙂
      You also have a good weekend, Mal.

  3. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    These were a scream! The first one was such a cliffhanger and then! Oh, my, great laughs.

  4. souldipper says:

    That is a riot, Mags…we women cannot accept the genuine simplicity of men!

  5. kymbo says:

    Great jokes Mags..thanks for the laughs.

  6. travelrat says:

    You reminded me of the one about the curate, who mislaid his bike. He told the Vicar, who said unto him:

    ‘I shall make the subject of my sermon on Sunday ‘The Ten Commandments’. You look around the congregation, and see if anyone shows signs of guilt when I get to ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal”

    The curate didn’t think that would work in this day and age, but he didn’t say anything, and just went along with the Vicar’s plan.

    ‘Did it work?’ asked the Vicar, after the service.

    ‘Like a charm!’ said the curate. ‘As soon as you came to ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’, I remembered where I left it!’

  7. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha! What a great selection – but the diary is SO good!!! Hope you’re having a great weekend!!

  8. dearrosie says:

    Thanks for the good laugh Mags – it’s exactly what I needed. I loved the way they both kept one in suspense until the final comment.

    Interesting to hear everyone talking about rain at their homes. We’re having a heat wave here at the moment. +100 degrees yesterday and the temps didn’t go down much last night.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi dearrosie,
      We are still in Winter here, it’s Spring on the 1st of September, and then it’s our turn again for Summer and the wild storms, not looking forward to it.

  9. Rebekah says:

    Hey Mags … As usual, they were really funny, but the His/Her Diary really takes the prize!!! Loved it — it’s so true, exactly how differently the minds work of men and women..

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