Comfortable/Bear on a Rampage (Weekend Jokes)

Comfortable
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.” Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, “comfortable.”

The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, “comfortable?”

The brunette explains, “My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow.”

An artist paints what he sees.

Thank You Pam for the picture.

Bear on a Rampage
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.

His partner says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!”

His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!”

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24 Responses to Comfortable/Bear on a Rampage (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Rebekah says:

    *big LOL*!!! Especially at the first one, because I didn’t get it at first. I thought long and hard about the word and finally had to read it out to my husband, and he got it right away.. :o)

  2. dearrosie says:

    Oh man I didn’t get it until I read Rebekah’s comment, and read it slowly… How funny!

  3. Browny says:

    It took me awhile to get the first joke. Good one. lol

  4. Kymbo says:

    Awesome jokes Mags, Loved the first one especially

  5. travelrat says:

    Let’s see … bear jokes??

    A man is being pursued through the woods by a bear. In desperation, he cries: ‘Oh, Jesus!! Come and help me!’ And a strange thing happened.

    The river stopped in its flow; the wind stopped blowing through the tree tops and the bear stood stock still. And a small, quiet voice said:

    ‘Nice type you are! For forty years, you’ve denied my existence, and now, when you’re up against it, you want my help’

    ‘I know, Jesus, and I truly repent. But, I don’t want anything for myself; could you see your way clear to making the bear a Christian?’

    ‘Consider it done!’ saith the Lord.

    The wind started rustling the leaves again, the river flowed once more … and the bear put his paws together and said:

    ‘For this food I’m about to receive, Lord make me truly thankful!’

  6. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Hilarious first joke! I had to slow down to read it myself! Once in a while, I do like a good blonde joke.

  7. Uh, oh. I got the first joke right away. Blondes rule!!

    Have a good weekend Mags.

  8. Texasjune says:

    I guess ‘gray’ is totally lost. I had to read how to do it – before I figured it out! 🙂

  9. I got it straight away. But then, I’m a blonde.

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