Halloween (Weekend Jokes)

Beethoven Symphonies

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard’s caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about” says the caretaker.
“He’s just decomposing!”

The Cemetery Shortcut

One dark night two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a
tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath,
“You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost!
What are you doing working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

 Costume Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the
party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she
argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to
bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by
not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened
without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to
the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her
costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching
her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he
could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife moved on up to him and being a rather seductive
babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted
his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and had a little romp.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went
home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering
what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what
kind of a time he had. He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You
know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”

He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I’ll tell you… the guy I loaned my costume to sure had
a real good time!”

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30 Responses to Halloween (Weekend Jokes)

  1. travelrat says:

    Two Scottish soldiers, on their way back to barracks, took a short cut through the graveyard.

    One of them tripped, and banged his head against a gravestone. Looking up, he read:

    ‘Sacred to the memory of Major Alastair Campbell, of the Cameron Highlanders.
    A Gallant Officer,
    A brave Scot and
    A true gentleman.’

    He called to his companion:

    ‘Hey, Sandy! Tak’ a keek at this! They got four in this yin!’

  2. browny says:

    The costume party joke was a blast.

  3. Kymbo says:

    Hi Mags, it’s great to start the day with a smile..thanks!

  4. Side-splitting joke about the costume mix-up!

    Happy Halloween, Mags. Boo!

  5. dearrosie says:

    Always enjoy your jokes Mags. I think my fave is the costume mix-up one.

  6. Rebekah says:

    LOL … they’re all good! BOO!

  7. souldipper says:

    Trick or treat, Mags! Hope you are visited by only good ghouls and ghosties.

  8. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha! These are all GREAT!!! But something’s puzzling me about the first one – how did the townsfolk recognise the music was being played backwards???!!!

    Have a great weekend – all treats and no tricks!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Red Nomad OZ,
      1st off he returned to the grave with a friend
      Then the 2 of them consult a music teacher
      The day after the word had spread, and a throng had gathered.

      Gossip is well and truely going well in this town. Have a great weekend.

  9. E.C. says:

    ~rofl~ Fabulous jokes their so funny. I physically lol (laughed out loud) while reading them. Thanks for sharing these happy laughs on this Halloween weekend. 🙂

  10. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Happy Halloween, mags! Thank you for these hilarious jokes – a nice way to move into the haunting hour!

  11. Lafemmeroar says:

    Hilarious! You’re brilliant. This has to be shared on FB! Going to do that now 🙂

  12. EternalForms says:

    Those are hilarious! The last one had me rolling with laughter! 😀

  13. Hysterical! Have a spooky Halloween, Mags!

  14. All three made me laugh. But I agree that the third one was brilliant.

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