The Chicken/The Bike (Weekend Jokes)

The Chicken
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, “Sir, what is that on your shoulder?”

The old farmer said, “That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes.”

“I’m sorry, Sir,” said the ticket girl, “We can’t allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken.”

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Edna.

The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.

“Edna,” whispered Mildred.

“What?” said Edna.

“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”

“What makes you think so?” asked Edna.

“He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.

“Well, don’t worry about it,” said Edna, “At our age it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.”

“Yes,” said Mildred, “But this one’s eating my popcorn!”

  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • When in doubt, mumble.

 The Bike
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”

The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!'”

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

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24 Responses to The Chicken/The Bike (Weekend Jokes)

  1. holessence says:

    A great pre-weekend laugh – thank you!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi holessence,
      I often forget that it’s not the start of the weekend in a lot of places, here in OZ it’s Saturday. 😀
      But a laugh is a great start for your weekend that is coming. 🙂

  2. Texasjune says:

    I’ll enjoy a good laugh any day, and this one qualifies!

  3. Have a good weekend, Mags! Thanks for the laughs again.

  4. E.C. says:

    Thanks for some super Friday Funnies. Hope your weekend is a great one! 🙂

  5. malc50 says:

    🙂 Havagoodweekend, Mags. Cheers, Mal.

  6. Kymbo says:

    Awesome jokes mags..I especially like the last one.

  7. travelrat says:

    Remind me not to drink coffee when reading your jokes! I’d just taken a mouthful when I read ‘The Chicken’ … now, I have to clean the coffee of my monitor screen! 😀

  8. munchow says:

    Thank you for making me laugh. A good start of the day.

  9. dearrosie says:

    That chicken joke is hilarious. heh heh… I went to a movie with a friend last night and the people behind, next to and in front were all chomping on their popcorn so loudly we had to get up and move.

  10. raburcke says:

    Pressed it! Lovely site, I shall return.

  11. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha! Love all these!! Don’t know where you keep finding them – but so glad you do!!!

  12. And don’t forget that behind every successful man there’s a surprised mother-in-law.

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