An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, “Sir, what is that on your shoulder?”
The old farmer said, “That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes.”
“I’m sorry, Sir,” said the ticket girl, “We can’t allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken.”
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Edna.
The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.
“Edna,” whispered Mildred.
“What?” said Edna.
“I think the guy next to me is a pervert.”
“What makes you think so?” asked Edna.
“He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out,” whispered Mildred.
“Well, don’t worry about it,” said Edna, “At our age it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before.”
“Yes,” said Mildred, “But this one’s eating my popcorn!”
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- When in doubt, mumble.
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, “Where did you get such a nice bike?”
The second nerd replied, “Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, ‘Take what you want!'”
The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”