Goodbye To Mother/A Real Cowboy (Weekend Jokes)

Goodbye To Mother
 A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

  • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  • If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
  • If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.

A Real Cowboy
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?” he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. “Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

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31 Responses to Goodbye To Mother/A Real Cowboy (Weekend Jokes)

  1. holessence says:

    Ohhhhhhh, my favorite is “Goodbye to Mother!” That was hysterical!

  2. Rebekah says:

    Mags,
    I loled at them all, but the guy from Texas, I found very funny because it was a little unexpected 🙂

  3. Kymbo says:

    Hi Mags, another selection of great funnies. There aren’t many better ways to start the day..

  4. souldipper says:

    What webs we weave…hilarious, Mags!

  5. malc50 says:

    I like the Cowboy one – a paraprosdokian. Cheers.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      I just come back from doing the shopping (which was horrendous by the way 🙂 ) I don’t normally shop on Saturdays, but it was unavoidable this week. 😦
      Anyway, I put everything away, got a nice ice cold coke out of the fridge, very hot here today, and I open my blog, and heres a comment with this HUGE word
      I had to look it up. 😆 (You got me)
      For anyone else that would like to know the meaning of paraprosdokian here is an explanation;
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian

      • My Concise Oxford Dictionary doesn’t have it. Presumably, the “complete” version does. When I was writing for the London “Evening News” (in the early 1970’s) the Fiction Editor referred to the Lon. Ev. News fiction story as having a “twist” or “surprise” ending. Either “paraprosdokian” didn’t exist back then, or he wanted to be sure that I understood what he meant.

  6. Red Nomad OZ says:

    They’re all good (as usual), but I laughed like a drain at the last one … Have a great weekend!

  7. travelrat says:

    I think that’s about the first cowboy joke suitable for mixed company that I ever heard!

    Apart from the three-legged dog that limped into a saloon and said:

    ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!’ 😀

  8. I’ve tried so many times to re-tell your jokes but I’m one of those people who can’t, for the life of me, tell a good joke. I forget it halfway through or mess it up somehow. You should have a Mags Weekend Jokes iPhone app so I can carry your jokes with me. They are always a hoot.

    More importantly, I want to re-use that cool word, paraprosdokian, in a sentence at a cocktail party we are going to tonight. My sister, the librarian, will be there, and she knows a million more words than I. Let’s hope I can remember it better than the jokes! Thanks malc50 for the vocab lesson. Wonder how many points it would garner in Scrabble – or who would challenge it!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi EOSR,
      Thank You very much for that, I’m glad you enjoy the jokes.
      It is a cool word, and it sounds like a plan for tonight. My problem if I wanted to use the word is I doubt if I could pronounce it right. 😀

      • malc50 says:

        http://criminalbrief.com/?p=15519 writes about “paraprosdokian”:

        “The word is unknown to ancient Greek or Latin rhetoric. It is unlisted in any dictionary of Medieval Greek or Medieval Latin. It is unmentioned in any early English glossary of rhetoric. It is unknown in the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries. It has never been listed in any edition of the Oxford English Dictionary. …

        “Certainly, there are sentences and phrases with surprise endings. Educated people call these: “sentences with surprise endings.”

        Cheers 🙂

        • magsx2 says:

          Hi Mal,
          From Wikipedia:- (link above in comments)
          A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
          I don’t think I have ever heard a comedian say this word, but then again it may of gone straight over my head. 😆

  9. dearrosie says:

    This is the third time I’m attempting to write this. I keep losing it… hrrumph

    Great jokes Mags
    I really enjoyed the discussion on “paraprosdokians”. Nice to learn a new word and a joke (although I’m like EOS and cannot repeat a joke).
    Mal can you tell me how to pronounce it?

  10. It helps that the pronouncer in the Howjsay website is British. Can you imagine if he was from Brooklyn?? Thanks for that link. Like Rosie, I have now bookmarked it.,

  11. Lafemmeroar says:

    The worrying one is my fav!!!! It absolutely works!!!!!! 🙂

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