Baseball in Heaven/Car Theft (Weekend Jokes)

Baseball in Heaven?
Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.

Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob’s voice from beyond.

“Bob, Is that you?” Earl asked.

“Of course it me,” Bob replied.

“This is unbelievable!” Earl exclaimed. “So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?”

“Well, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?”

“Tell me the good news first.”

“Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl.”

“Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?”

“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”

  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • Sometimes I wonder why that frisbee keeps getting bigger. Then it hits me.

Thank You for the above quotes Malc50

Car Theft
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman. Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged him and let him do his thing.

Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, “Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!”

“Dear God! Did you try to stop him?”

“No,” she said, “I did better than that! I got the license plate number!”

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25 Responses to Baseball in Heaven/Car Theft (Weekend Jokes)

  1. travelrat says:

    Motor racing in Heaven?

    Yes, there is, as a racing driver found out when he presented himself at the Pearly Gates. You’re just in time for the Heaven Grand Prix! he was told. All the ‘greats’ are here … Fangio, Graham Hill, Ayrton Senna, Jim Clark ….

    So, the race had just started when a red car shot out from behind, and knocked most of the other competitors off the track.

    Picking himself out of the tyre wall, our hero asked a marshal ‘Who was that idiot?’

    ‘Oh, that was God. Thinks he’s Michael Schumacher!’

  2. dearrosie says:

    My fave is the last one …. “I got the license plate number”

  3. E.C. says:

    ~rofl~ That last one is hilarious! I physically laughed out loud! Thanks for sharing these funnies. I enjoyed them very much! Have a great weekend! 🙂

  4. At least Bob died after a Yankee victory! More of us die from all the Yankee losses!

    I really must be the dumb blonde in the group. I had to read the punch line “I got his license plate” twice to have the “ah-ha” moment.

    Happy weekend everyone!

  5. malc50 says:

    I particularly like the one about getting the licence plate number. Havagoodweekend Mags. Cheers, Mal. [ I should write a book about marking exam papers. As well as reading that plastics are “homophobic” (I think “hydrophobic” was meant), I learnt that “stalinisation” of soils is a problem (was “salinisation” meant?).] 🙂

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      You should write a book, that is really hilarious. 😆
      At least you know it’s all over for awhile, off on your holiday tomorrow, you and your wife relax and you don’t have to think about those exam papers. 😀

  6. Rebekah says:

    LOL …funny as usual, but not only that … the comments too! 🙂 especially the one from EOSR

  7. Texasjune says:

    I love these! I’m the world’s worst joke teller, but I can sure laugh a lot at good ones!

  8. Another blonde joke (sigh). Just for the record, I “got” both jokes and all the quotes at first reading, even though I’m blonde. Beauty and the Geek has a lot to answer for.

  9. Kymbo says:

    Hi Mags, another few gems there for me to shamelessly steal and pass off as my own…Oops!

  10. A great belly laugh to start off the weekend – thank you 🙂

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Laurie,
      Glad you enjoyed them.
      When I saw your picture I wondered why you went into moderation, but I see the name change, Duh takes me awhile. 😀

  11. “I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.” Ahhh, the story of my life!

  12. afrankangle says:

    Good weekend chuckles. Although I see them Monday morning, these are also good ways to start the week. In terms of the the blonde joke, here’s my tip of a hat that one.

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