Before the Computer
- An application was for employment
- A program was a TV show
- A cursor used profanity
- A keyboard was a piano!
- Log on was adding wood to a fire
- Hard drive was a long trip on the road
- A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
- Cut – you did with a pocket knife
- Paste you did with glue
- A web was a spider’s home
- And a virus was the flu!
- A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
- “Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.” Albert Einstein
- Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film
- Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.
The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.
The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.
Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.
“No problem,” said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. “For my last wish…I’d like to give birth to twins.”