Before the Computer/Wishes (Weekend Jokes)

Before the Computer

  • An application was for employment
  • A program was a TV show
  • A cursor used profanity
  • A keyboard was a piano!
  • Log on was adding wood to a fire
  • Hard drive was a long trip on the road
  • A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
  • Cut – you did with a pocket knife
  • Paste you did with glue
  • A web was a spider’s home
  • And a virus was the flu!

  • A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila
  • “Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.” Albert Einstein
  • Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film
  • Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!


Wishes
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

“No problem,” said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. “For my last wish…I’d like to give birth to twins.”

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21 Responses to Before the Computer/Wishes (Weekend Jokes)

  1. hahahah I have twins so I think I shouldn’t laught, but hahahaha

  2. Rebekah says:

    LOL …especially @ 20 kids..

  3. malc50 says:

    You’ve gotta love the last one, Mags! Havagoodweekend, Cheers, Mal.

  4. aFrankAngle says:

    Very good … thus deserving of this: http://instantrimshot.com/ …. and good bit on the change language around technology. Have a good weekend … it’s cold here!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi aFrankAngle,
      Some of those sounds are hilarious. πŸ™‚
      Very humid here today because of the rain, as you know it is Summer here in my part of OZ, you stay warm and enjoy your weekend as well.

  5. barb19 says:

    πŸ˜€ How our vocabulary has changed since we got computers!
    Loved the last joke Mags – payback indeed!

    btw – it’s raining at last up here in Hervey Bay!

  6. dearrosie says:

    Another Friday of splendid joke Mags. I hadn’t ever thought of the words that came with computers. Love them…

  7. Barb says:

    This is just what I needed. I couldn’t think of a thing to wish for, but this is perfect. Thanks for the pick me up on Friday.

  8. Kymbo says:

    These are great Mags, as always you have some truly great jokes to brighten the day.

  9. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. (Anon.)

    That’s my favourite computer quote. I’ve put it on my “Notebook” page on my website. Another one which isn’t there is:

    DOONESBURY: Excuse me, Sir. Do you have any user-friendly sales reps?
    STORE MANAGER: You mean, consumer compatible liveware? No, he’s off today.
    (Garry Trudeau, “Doonesbury”, cartoon, 1983)

  10. travelrat says:

    Would this be the same lamp found by three men on a beach?

    One was a magazine editor, one was a writer and the other a photographer. The genie told them that, while it was normal policy to grant three wishes, since there were three of them, they could only have one each.

    So, the writer said ‘I would like to be on the beach in the Caribbean, surrounded by beautiful girls and with a free bar handy’

    ‘Consider it done!’ said the genie.

    Next was the toggie, who said ‘I want to be in Switzerland; sunshine and lots of powder snow, and a nice warm chalet to come back to’

    ‘It shall be so!’ said the genie.

    Then, the editor said ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch! We have a deadline to meet’!

    Moral: Never let the Boss have the last word!

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