Old Age (Weekend Jokes)

Where To Meet For Dinner
Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald’s next to the Sea Side Restaurant because they only had $6.50 between them and Bobby, the cute boy in science class, lived on that street.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 25-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because it had free snacks, there was no cover charge, the beer was cheap, the band was good and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 35-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the combos were good, it was near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn’t be many whiny little kids.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 45-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 55-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, it had widows which opened (in case of hot flashes), the wine list was good and fish was good for their cholesterol.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 65-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they had an Early Bird Special and the lighting was good.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 75-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the food wasn’t too spicy and it was handicapped accessible.

10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 85-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they’d never been there before.

  • What is the most common remark made by the elderly when they browse an antique store?
    I remember these.
  • Do people sleep more soundly as they get older?
    Yes, but it’s usually in the afternoon.
  • Where should old people look for glasses?
    On their forehead.
  • Where can a man over 60 find a younger, good looking woman who is interested in him?
    Try the bookstore under fiction.

Good Things About Getting Old

  • Things that you buy now won’t wear out.
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them anyway.
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  • In a hostage situation you are the most likely to be released first.
  • You are no longer viewed as a hypochondriac.
  • You can sing along with elevator music.
  • No one expects you to run — anywhere.

The Old Man
An Old man went to the doctor complaining of a terrible pain in his leg.

“I am afraid it’s just old age”, replied the doctor, “there is nothing we can do about it.”

“That can’t be” fumed the old man, “you don’t know what you are doing.”

“How can you possibly know I am wrong?” countered the doctor.

“Well it’s quite obvious,” the old man replied, “my other leg is fine, and it’s the exact same age!”

Grandpa
One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips.

They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and grandpa says, “When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree.”

So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started.

“Of course,” added grandpa, “when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall.”

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44 Responses to Old Age (Weekend Jokes)

  1. El Guapo says:

    Another excellent set, Magsx2.
    Loved the first one – setup and punchline are classic!

  2. travelrat says:

    (What is the most common remark made by the elderly when they browse an antique store?)

    I often go to classic car meets … I used to say ‘My Dad had a car like that once’. Now, I say ‘I had a car like that once!’

    Last month, I went to one with my son. We stopped by a Mk III Cortina, and Chris said ‘I remember these! You advised me against buying the clunky old rust-bucket!’

  3. RoseCityRemona says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Some good stuff….loved the first one particularly!

    Thanx again!
    RoseCityRemona

  4. Oh, I LOVE “Where to meet for dinner.”

  5. gregoryno6 says:

    …Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, it had widows which opened …
    I don’t know whether to turn away in embarrassment or ask for the address.

  6. tempo says:

    Great jokes Mags, I love to start the day with a chuckle…

  7. Rebekah says:

    thanks for great chuckle … they were all good! I found the last one so cute… 🙂

  8. malc50 says:

    Thanks Mags. you always get the weekend off to a bright start. Cheers!

    Was the widows/windows a Freudian slip?

  9. starzyia says:

    I am going to share the restaurant selection joke with my mother, she will love it!

  10. dearrosie says:

    Wonderful selection this week Mags. I also vote for the Sea Side Restaurant. But the old man was a very close second.

  11. E.C. says:

    lol thanks for the giggles. Aging truly is an interesting and somewhat amusing ride. 🙂

  12. souldipper says:

    Boy, did they nail us on the first one, Mags! 😀

  13. Red Nomad OZ says:

    Hahaha (as usual!!)

    The first is the best – but I’m not going to tell you where I fit into that continuum!!!

  14. aFrankAngle says:

    Always stuff to make me smile … and a reminder of one of my favorite commercials.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi a FrankAngle,
      Wow, that is great, now we know where the joke originally started from, or the commercial just made the joke more famous. 😆

  15. Oh Mags!! I JUST LOVE THAT!! Made me laugh I needed that to start my day off!! It is so funny I work with the elderly and the senerio is so true!!
    I did not expect the ending!!
    great job!

  16. It’s such a huge challenge every weekend to find jokes that amuse us yet you never fail. I have cut and paste the first one (with credit to you, of course) and sent to everyone I know. It’s a classic, and sadly, oh so true!!!!!

    I am also dying to know where you get all the wonderful animated gif art. It goes so well with the cartoons weekly. I can tell you work hard at this and it shows. Thanks!!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi EOSR,
      That’s great, I hope they all get a laugh. 🙂
      There are literally millions of different gifs on the net, in the public domain. Mine come from all over, I don’t have a specific site, and also some that I had bought a few years ago on disc, before they became popular. 🙂

  17. Lafemmeroar says:

    I absolutely love this that I’m going to share on the CCC FB page. Who said getting old isn’t a funny thing about life? No I … laughing at the malfunction of the universe is better than crying about it …

  18. What a fun piece! Too bad I could both understand it and identify. Yikes! Love your humor.

  19. gethappy says:

    Reading your blog has brought me great joy and inspiration. As light of the world, I am privileged to honor you with the Candle Light Award. I hope you keep inspiring many around the world and may your light keep shinning in 2012.

  20. Love the Sea Side Restaurant one!

    The one about the old man with one leg (or knee, the way I first heard it) hurting is one of my all time favorites. My dad still laughs whenever I think to tell it to him again. 🙂

    About common remarks made by the elderly – last fall my sister-in-law and I were out shopping when we overheard a middle-aged man ask his elderly mom, “Would you like to sit down and rest a little while?” His mom sighed and said, “It wouldn’t do any good…” To us it seemed sad and funny at the same time, and we’re starting to understand what she meant…

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Barbara,
      It’s funny how jokes can change over time, yet still mean the same thing.
      The things we hear people say when we are out and about can certainly put a smile on your face. 😀

  21. Fergiemoto says:

    Thanks for the laughs!

  22. Loved the first one! Most of them a uncomfortably close to the truth as I see it these days.

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