Australia Day 2012: Jokes (Fun Video)

Australia Day commemorates the arrival of the First Fleet at Sydney Cove in 1788, the hoisting of the British flag there, and the proclamation of British sovereignty over the eastern seaboard of New Holland.

Australia Day is an official public holiday in every state and territory of Australia, and is marked by the Order of Australia and Australian of the Year awards, along with an address from the Prime Minister.

Although it was not known as Australia Day until over a century later, records of celebrations on 26 January date back to 1808, with Governor Lachlan Macquarie having held the first official celebration of the formation of New South Wales in 1818.
Learn more from Wikipedia.

Australian Seasons:
Summer: December to February
Autumn: March to May
Winter: June to August
Spring: September to November

An Aussie Barbie

1) The woman buys the food.

2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
Here comes the important part:

4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.

6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…..

8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

11) They tell good old Aussie barbie jokes like:
Question: What do you call a boomerang that wont come back?
Answer: A stick.

12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘her night off.’ And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women….

Aussie Women

In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and barbies
He created night for going prawning, sleeping and barbies. God saw that it was good.
Evening came and morning came and it was the second Day.

On the Second Day God created water – for surfing, swimming and barbies on the beach. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Third Day.

On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants – to provide tobacco, malt and yeast for beer and wood for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fourth Day.

On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Fifth Day.

On the Fifth day God created a bloke – to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at barbies. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Sixth Day.

On the Sixth Day God saw that this bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good blokes. God saw that it was good. Evening came and morning came and it was the Seventh Day.

On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes, smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God saw that it was good. well almost good. God saw that the blokes were tired and needed a rest.

So God created Sheilas – to clean the house, bear children, wash, cook and clean the barbie. God saw that it was not just good, it was better than that, it was bl**dy great!

Sheila and Bruce

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”
He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

Ricky

Ricky decides to go back home to Sydney so he calls Qantas Airlines to book his flight.
The operator asks him, ‘How many people are flying with you?’
Ricky replies, ‘Strewth mate, how would I know.Β  It’s your plane.’

The Aussie Love Test

Do you ever wonder who loves you? Your wife? Your dog? You think they love you, but how do you know if they really do? How can you be sure?Β  There is a way to find out and have peace of mind and it only takes one hour.

Simply open the boot of your car, put your dog and your wife in there, close the boot, grab a couple of beers and watch the footy on the telly for an hour or so. Then go back to the car, and open the boot.

Now, who is happy to see you?

For those thinking about coming to Australia for a holiday, I thought you may like this tourist video. πŸ˜†

Sorry the first part of the post is the same as last years, butΒ last yearsΒ post has some of Australia’s language, and the jokes and video are different, included is a kangaroo song.Β Last Years Australia Day.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Australia, Jokes and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

54 Responses to Australia Day 2012: Jokes (Fun Video)

  1. The video clip was hysterical…
    “Come to Australia where you might accidentally get killed.” πŸ™‚

  2. funny, the video didn’t mention anything about floods

  3. El Guapo says:

    K, that shot down the sharks throat was a little scary.
    And if I used Sheila and Bruce in my house, I’d probably get hit.

    funny though, so I;ll probably say it anyway…. πŸ˜‰

  4. Anyluckypeny says:

    I have heard of the aussie test! I laughed when I heard it the first time πŸ˜€ This was a really funny post! Thank you for making my morning start with a nice laugh πŸ™‚

  5. travelrat says:

    Love the video! Between these guys and Bill Bryson, it’s a wonder anyone visits Oz at all!.

  6. Rebekah says:

    *still giggling* … Happy Australia Day, Mags! πŸ™‚ Hope the weather has improved..

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Rebekah,
      Thank You.
      It is not raining Yehhhhh, hot and steamy of course after all that rain, naturally there are still some roads blocked, some people have still got water in their homes, but it gives everyone a chance to clean up as much as possible.

      Bad news, it all starts again tommorrow night (Friday) or early Saturday morning when phase 2 of the weather system starts, very heavy rain is prediticted all along the Queensland coast until Tuesday. 😦

      • Rebekah says:

        Ughh…that’s too bad! Guess the ground is already saturated after this!

        We’re having this ‘toothless’ winter, but there are two systems in the offing … he called them Β«disturbancesΒ» πŸ™‚ one is brewing down in Texas and will be here on Saturday. We’ll probably just get rain, I suspect..

  7. jmgoyder says:

    Happy Australia Day!

  8. Fergiemoto says:

    Very amusing…and I especially liked the Aussie Barbie joke and the video! I was in Australia during your winter and our summer.

  9. malc50 says:

    Good ones Mags! Enjoy today! I also enjoyed the YouTube Clip which followed on from the one given in your post http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=8dwR-F79MjU

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      You also enjoy Australia Day Mal, and have fun with the webber, I hope to hear about it all in your blog. πŸ™‚
      OMG, I didn’t know that was on there, but you have to laugh at some of those ads. πŸ˜€

      • malc50 says:

        Hi Mags, Didn’t know what the weather would do, so cooked the lamb in the electric oven in the kitchen. Just when I thought I’d done the wrong thing (not using the weber), just as the buzzer went off on the oven, the rain started. All’s well that ends well. The lamb tasted pretty good, even though it may have been better cooked over charcoal in the webber. Cheers, Mal.

  10. Lenore Diane says:

    The video is funny! I’ll book my trip now.

  11. jakesprinter says:

    Ha,ha,ha, my brother lives in Australia for 10 years
    OMG I never had any update news from him lol nice post buddy
    I invite you here http://wp.me/P1Dwwo-nN

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi jakesprinter,
      I’m sure your Brother is enjoying himself too much maybe since he’s been living in OZ, then again there are a lot of crocs around depending on where he lives. πŸ˜†
      You should pick up the phone and make sure he is behaving himself on Australia Day, if he’s been here 10 years he probably isn’t. πŸ˜€

  12. starzyia says:

    happy Australia day to you, Mags, and all your readers. Wherever would be as a nation, without a sense of humour?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Starry,
      Happy Australia Day to you as well.
      You just have to love the Aussie Humour don’t you, I’m sure the Nation would be lost without it. πŸ˜€

  13. tempo says:

    This is one of your best posts ever Mags. Loved every joke…

  14. barb19 says:

    Bl***dy bonza mate!! πŸ˜€
    Loved your post!

  15. Pingback: The Australia Day Double. (Links changed for OS viewers) « The mind is an unexplored country.

  16. souldipper says:

    Jokes about women just get changed to local language! We women must be crazy…we’re all guilty. Loved the video…can’t beat the Aussie humour.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi souldipper,
      I think jokes about Women will always be around, there are some great jokes about guys as well, but unfortunately not suitable for the blog. πŸ™‚

  17. Barb says:

    When your post popped up on my phone, I couldn’t wait to get home and see it on a big screen to do it justice. It was well worth it. And I’ve often wondered what’s so great about a man at the barbie when we do all the work. Finally, it’s been immortalized. Thank you.

  18. Ah, the great Aussie Barbie! – one of the reasons I spent almost four decades in France. Some of the others are in the video.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Lady Marilyn,
      I really enjoy a good barbie, the food always tastes good cooked on the bar-b-que I feel, and the company of friends and family makes it all the more enjoyable. πŸ˜€

      • Oh, I enjoy eating it! I just don’t enjoy being obliged to do all the work. In France, the equivalent is the “mechoui” which involves cooking a whole animal on a spit. This is an all-male occupation and the ladies just whip up a few accompanying dishes. It’s never a little family affair. Clubs or communities organize them, so “many hands make light work”.

  19. Funny Ideas says:

    Hey , awesome view! Thanx for sharing!

  20. elcampeador says:

    Top notch magsx2..Bu-but whats about them ‘hoop snakes and drop bears’? πŸ˜‰

    OH and H.A.D.

  21. Happy Australia Day!

    This post was great — made me laugh out loud. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the smiles! I had to watch the video without sound, but will come back to hear it later. Even still, it was a riot. And I so enjoyed your little quips — especially about the BBQ (aka barbie). That’s true in the U.S. too!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi happykidshappymom,
      Glad you enjoyed the jokes, what a shame you didn’t have sound, yes the good old barbie maybe the same in a lot of places I’m guessing. πŸ˜€

  22. Love the humor in any country. Great!

  23. dearrosie says:

    I also love the Ozzie humour, and your English words.

  24. aFrankAngle says:

    I hope you had a good day! You Aussies have the best sense of humor!!!!! Great creation story to boot.

  25. Selma says:

    Hope you had a great Australia Day, Mags. I laughed and laughed over your jokes. The Aussie Barby is too true πŸ˜†

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s