A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long.
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.
As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.
He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,”The weather out there is terrible.”
To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in this weather?”
- There’s a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It’s called Monday.
- Don’t knock the weather; nine out of ten people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in awhile!
- Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get!
- The wind is like the air, only pushier.
- “Hey, what’s the weather like out there?”
“I don’t know. I’ll tell you when it clears.”
- An honest weatherman says, “Today’s forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I’m wrong.”
Can you give me a push?A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o’clock in the morning by a loud pounding
on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger stands in the pouring down rain.
“Can you give me a push?” he asks while hanging onto the door frame. “Not a chance” says the husband — “It’s 3 o’clock in the morning!”. He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was it?” asks his wife.”
Just some drunk wanting a push” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I didn’t — it’s three in the morning and raining like crazy out.”
“Well, you have a short memory” says his wife. “Can’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down on vacation and those two strangers helped us? I think you should help him.”
The man does as he is told and gets dressed and goes out into the pounding rain and calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes the answer. “Do you still want a push?” calls out the husband.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.”
Over here on the swing!” the drunk replies.