Area 51/Drunk/Frog (Weekend Jokes)

Area 51

You’ve heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?”

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane… only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

A Drunk

A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologised and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”

The Frog

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, “If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?” The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat’s music.

While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. “Sorry,” the man replies, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. “No,” he insists, “he’s not for sale.” The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

“Are you insane?” the bartender demanded. “That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!”

“Don’t worry about it.” the man answered. “The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat’s a ventriloquist.”

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50 Responses to Area 51/Drunk/Frog (Weekend Jokes)

  1. wolke205 says:

    Ha ha 😀 Always good to laugh & I like the jokes you post 😀

  2. Being away, I missed my Daily Dose of Mags but home now, no better way to return than to your weekend jokes.

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    Your joke posts are the sign that the weekend is just around the corner! ,,, and the first bar joke is my fav! Have a good weekend … especially since you will be starting it before us in the US.

  4. A great belly laugh to start the weekend – thank you!

  5. Ha! Love the Cessna joke, and great job at finding an animated picture to go with it! Thanks for the smiles. 🙂

  6. Windsmoke. says:

    The frog and the rat are a double act, one is no good wihout the other, once the bloke who bought the frog cottons on he’ll have to pay another $500,000 or more, so that makes the owner of the frog and the rat not so crazy after all. See ya on Tuesday Morning for my Random Humour For Grown Ups post, until then keep smiling :-).

  7. malc50 says:

    🙂 Havagoodweekend, Mags!

  8. elcampeador says:

    Umm, Mags..you aren’t by chance related to Greg, by blood or through marriage, are you? 🙂

  9. Snoring Dog Studio says:

    Delightful! Love the Area 51 joke!

  10. Very funny stories that I have not heard before. Love to laugh!

    Ronnie

  11. tempo says:

    I love the Area51 joke..I can see that really happening

  12. travelrat says:

    I only know one ‘man goes into bar’ joke suitable for mixed company …

    While he’s drinking, he spots a monkey on the bar. He starts playing with it and teasing it, when all of a sudden, the monkey lifted its leg and let fly … right into his beer. He complained to the barman, who said:

    ‘Nothing to do with me! It belongs to the man playing the piano over there’

    So, he walked over to the pianist, and said:

    ‘Oi! Do you know your monkey just piddled in my bloody beer?’

    ‘No, but if you hum it, I’ll try to play it!’

  13. El Guapo says:

    Love the frog joke. I know a whole bunch along that theme of Bar Tricks.
    And I’ve known several people who number 2 could be based on.
    As always, thanks for the laughs, Magsx2!

  14. Arindam says:

    Hi Mags,
    The frog joke was a really nice one. Thank you for all the laugh. One more time I mention your blog, on my post. So check my latest post. 🙂

  15. cool feline says:

    Thanks for the weekly LOL! I actually saved this post for now … it’s Friday evening here now 😀

    They were all great jokes, but I totally loved the frog..

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi cool feline,
      Good on you for saving it for the beginning of the weekend where you are, a great way to start off the weekend with a bit of a laugh. 😀
      Have a great weekend.

  16. E.C. says:

    lol Oh my you do know how to brighten my day! Such wonderful hilarious jokes. Thanks so much! 🙂 Gotta love the ‘ventriloquist’ it’s crazy-good-fun. 😆

  17. Pat Bean says:

    Thanks for the day’s belly laugh.

  18. Fergiemoto says:

    Ha, ha, ha…thanks for the laughs.

  19. dearrosie says:

    I always enjoy your jokes. I liked the frog one. Thanks Mags.

  20. BoJo Photo says:

    Great jokes, I love the top one!

  21. Indira says:

    Very funny jokes you post. thanks.

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