Car Door/Concerned Husband (Weekend Jokes)

Locked Car Door

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked herΒ keys in the car.

She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”

He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”

The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”

Leap Year

  • A day where ‘this time last year’ and ‘this time next year’ does not apply.
  • Happy birthday to all the leap year people who ceased to exist since 2008.
  • Leap Year Day isn’t a holiday because, it occurs on the least popular date on the calendar.
  • The earth revolves around the sun every 365.24 days, not an even 365. That produces an extra day’s worth of hours every four years. We could distribute them as a bonus to everyone–a one-day time-out every fourth year in which the clock is stopped and we stay in bed all day. But we don’t. Instead we add an extra day onto February.
  • What do you get when you multiply a kangaroo with a calendar?
    A leap year!

A Short History of Medicine.

“Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 BC – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 BC – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 AD – “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 AD – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 AD – “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 AD – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”

Concerned Husband

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.”

“Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn’t reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we’ll get an idea about the severity of her deafness.”

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

She replies, “For the fourth time, vegetable stew!”

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58 Responses to Car Door/Concerned Husband (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Windsmoke. says:

    The husband one gets my vote :-).

  2. El Guapo says:

    Love this set.
    I’ll be repeating medical history and the concerned husband!
    Great way to finish my workweek, Magsx2 – thanks!

  3. “You even sent me a professional.”

    Love it!

  4. coolfeline says:

    LOL @ all of them … one wonders who was hearing impaired *grin*

    The car door was not only funny …it was kind of cute too…

  5. I could have used a professional a time or two myself. Fun funnies for Friday.

  6. malc50 says:

    Thanks Mags. All good. Havagoodweekend. Cheers, Mal.

  7. Fergiemoto says:

    Ha, ha, haaaaa, ha ha!
    By the way, do you know the source of “A Short History of Medicine”? I may want to use it in a posting in my other blog. If it’s yours, may I have permission?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Fergiemoto,
      I wish I could say I was that clever. πŸ˜€
      But no, this one has been going around for a long time, I orginally heard it at a party a few years ago, and like you I thought it was great, so I would say go for it. πŸ˜€
      Have a good weekend.

  8. aFrankAngle says:

    Medical history my fav! At least I saw this on your Saturday before my Saturday!

  9. Funny funny stuff Mags!

  10. tempo says:

    Hey, theres some great ones here, the deaf wife and the history of medicine really tickled my funnybone..

  11. Like the deaf husband one
    always get a laugh here lol
    Aussie Ian

  12. souldipper says:

    The history of medicine – it’s true! πŸ˜€

  13. travelrat says:

    Did you know the composer Gioacchino Rossini (born 29 February 1792) just had his 53rd birthday? (1800 and 1900 don’t count, because, under the Gregorian system, they weren’t leap years)

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi travelrat,
      That is unreal, not only does the leap year affect birthdays, but also it seems the leap year is different on some calenders as well. Great info, Thank You for that, it just goes to show how confusing it can all get. πŸ™‚

      • travelrat says:

        It works like this: Under the Julian calendar, there was a Leap Year every four years, end of …

        But, it was realised that it was slightly inaccurate … so Pope Gregory introduced a calendar (called, naturally, the Gregorian calendar) which said that ‘century years’ were only leap years if the whole thing were divisible by four. (It took a while to introduce; most Catholic countries adopted it straight away, England adopted in sometime in, I think the 17th Century)

        Thus, 1800 and 1900 weren’t leap years, 2000 was.

  14. munchow says:

    Thank you for the great humour, I laughed all the way to the end. The poor husband got my vote. Or maybe the history of medicine. Or maybe… They were just all good and funny.

  15. Me too! I enjoyed the jokes and think it was a great way to start a weekend. Thanks!

    Ronnie

  16. Loved the concerned husband! πŸ™‚

  17. jakesprinter says:

    Great entry Mags You make me laugh again πŸ™‚

  18. “sent me a professional” is the kicker! Don’t know anything about husbands.

  19. Tony McGurk says:

    The history of medicine is a good one & the last joke is definitely me & my wife.

  20. Theresa Lauf says:

    Good ones. πŸ™‚

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Theresa,
      Welcome back, I’m glad you enjoyed the jokes and had a laugh. πŸ˜€
      Enjoy the rest of your weekend, although it is raining today, a good Sunday to just relax, watch a movie or whatever. πŸ™‚

  21. ~mimo~ says:

    πŸ™‚ Thanks for the smile today!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi mimo,
      Your welcome, I’m glad you enjoyed the jokes.
      Have a good weekend, and Thank You very much for taking the time to comment. πŸ˜€

  22. Barb says:

    I’d tell that last joke to my spouse, but I’d have to stand 3 feet away, make sure he’s looking at me, and after all that he’d say, ” that’s not funny..”. I think it’s hilarious. Thanks for my Friday laugh.

  23. Red Nomad OZ says:

    As usual, I liked them all! But I particularly like the short history of medicine – funny, but that’s because it’s true!!!

  24. Great you made me laugh:-)

  25. These were all great! I liked the first one especially — I truly believe that God sends us what we need, when we need it, often it’s not what we expect!

  26. Lynn says:

    Hahahaha!! Very funny mags.The last one it’s really good!!!! πŸ™‚

  27. Love the History of Medicine and the last one. Hilarious!

  28. Pingback: A Short History of Medicine (Joke) « Ichigo Ichie

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