Morning After/Embarrassing (Weekend Jokes)

The Morning After

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed
Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table “Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you.”

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.

Marty asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”

Confused, Marty asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, “Lady, leave me alone, I’m married

  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.
  • It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Embarrassing Situations!

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”

By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200!”

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78 Responses to Morning After/Embarrassing (Weekend Jokes)

  1. susielindau says:

    Hilarious! Have a great weekend!

  2. I so love the Friday funnies! πŸ™‚

  3. Stepping My Way to Bliss says:

    Funny stuff, Mags. Thank you for the laughs. Have a good weekend! ~~Bliss

  4. OMG! I love both these jokes! The first one made me laugh aloud. Thanks again for another great post, Mags.

  5. Absolutely terrific! Have a great weekend!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi whatidesiredtosay1,
      Glad you enjoyed the jokes. πŸ˜€
      Thank you very much for visiting and taking the time to comment, you also have a great weekend.

  6. El Guapo says:

    Hilarious! Loved the first!
    For reasons I shan’t get into…

    Have a great weekend, Magsx2!

  7. Windsmoke. says:

    Bonza jokes especially the last one where the shy guy gives the psychology graduate a taste of her own medicine :-).

  8. aFrankAngle says:

    LOL … and my Friday evening jokes are your Saturday morning ones. At least I’ve figured out that much (I think we have a 14 hr differential), Oh … the jokes … first and last one were my favs. Enjoy your weekend!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi aFrankAngle,
      Oh yes it is Saturday morning here, the time difference can get confusing, I usually look at the time when I comment on some blogs, and on some it’s like 1am or 3am where that person lives in the world. πŸ˜€
      Glad you had a laugh, and you also enjoy your weekend.

  9. LAUGHTER – a wonderful way to start the weekend πŸ™‚

  10. BoJo Photo says:

    I think if I came home drunk my wife would give me a black eye! πŸ™‚ I love the Frisbee one. Maybe the drunk guy wrote that one. Drunk Frisbee! πŸ™‚

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi BoJo Photo,
      Maybe that is how he got his black eye, and not by giving it to himself like his son said. πŸ˜†
      Have a great weekend enjoy.

  11. elcampeador says:

    You little devil, Mags. lol.

  12. haha! All very funny. I can always use a good laugh! Thanks, Mags!

  13. malc50 says:

    Thanks Mags. All good! πŸ™‚ Now to mow the lawn! Cheers, Mal.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Mal,
      Hubby got the lawn mowed yesterday, just in time before it started raining again, but it seems to be a beautiful day today. πŸ™‚
      Have a great weekend.

  14. dearrosie says:

    Where do you find these jokes? I don’t have a fave this time. I like them all.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi dearrosie,
      That is great that you enjoyed them all. πŸ˜€
      A lot come from friends, and of course no matter what party you go to there are always great jokes, some I do myself as well. πŸ™‚
      Have a great weekend.

  15. jmgoyder says:

    I like the third one best!!!
    Yes, where do you find them? Or do you make them up?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi jmgoyder,
      Glad to hear you had a laugh. πŸ˜€
      I get a lot of jokes from friends, a lot from party’s as we know the best place to hear the good ones, a lot of course I could not put on this blog. πŸ˜† Some I make up as well, so I also have jokes to tell at party’s. πŸ˜€
      Have a great weekend.

  16. travelrat says:

    Here’s one for you:

    Guy got stood down from night shift, had a couple of beers then went home and got into bed with his wife. At 2 am, tghey were wakened by somebody looking for another flat rattling the door.

    He jumped out of bed: ‘Jesus! It’s your husband!’
    She said ‘Don’t be silly! He’s on night shift! Come back to bed!’

  17. Selma says:

    Hahahaha. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – LOVE YOUR JOKES. Thanks for a great laugh!

  18. E.C. says:

    πŸ˜† You have picked another great selection of hilarious jokes and quotes. Thanks so much for sharing the laughter. πŸ™‚
    This is a mystery to think on–> “How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?”

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi E.C.
      Glad you enjoyed them and had a bit of a laugh. πŸ˜€

      We have a lot of bush fires (forest fires) here in OZ like other places around the world, and you often hear on TV or the radio, that the fire was started by someone carelessly throwing out a cigarette, or kids playing with matches, either way it seems these huge fires are started so very easily. Yet when out camping, and you want to start a fire for cooking or keeping warm (campfire) it can take a whole box of matches sometimes just to get a fire started. Why is it for the huge fire it takes no effort at all, yet for a small controled fire it seems to take a lot of effort. πŸ™‚
      I hope that explanation help a little bit. Oh and have a great weekend. πŸ˜€

  19. Ha ha ha all of them were just superb but the last one is clear winner..what a super fun post..thanks for sharing the jokes..
    hugs πŸ™‚
    have a wonderful weekend πŸ™‚

  20. jakesprinter says:

    Another great weekend laugh Mags Thanks for sharing πŸ™‚

  21. tempo says:

    Great jokes, I love your weekender jokes

  22. Indira says:

    I read jokes here and there,but your are all new,Saturday morning I start with your jokes. Enjoyed.

  23. Ha Ha…those were good! I liked the last one the best.

  24. starlaschat says:

    I really enjoyed your jokes this morning I’m still smiling. :+) Hope you enjoy your weekend Mags.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi shanson3871,
      Glad to hear you had a laugh. πŸ˜€
      Have a great weekend and Thank You for visiting and taking the time to comment.

  25. Great bunch of jokes! I’m always looking forward to my Saturday morning giggles. Thanks for posting them. Have a great weekend.

  26. I’m still laughing over the first two, and can’t make it yet to the others!

  27. Linda Vernon says:

    I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger and then it hit me. I shall keep that in the back of my mind until the day arises that I can say it! HA Enjoyable Mags!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Linda,
      Glad you liked it, a day will come when you will be able to use it. I first heard that one at a barbie with friends, we were in a beautiful big open area, and kids were playing with frisbees, a mountain of jokes were told that day. πŸ˜€
      Have a great weekend.

  28. Tony McGurk says:

    Hilarious jokes I especially loved the 1st one.

  29. Rebekah says:

    Your weekend jokes are always hilarious, but with these two, you’ve really outdone yourself. I totally loved both the hangover and the embarrassment πŸ˜†

  30. rednomadoz says:

    Hahaha! Love that last one …
    I’ve tried to leave comments a few times recently, but WordPress kept telling me I wasn’t logged in and I couldn’t get around it. Now i’ve worked out how to do it!! Apologies for what looks like a long absence from your blog – but it’s all WordPress’ fault!!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi rednomadoz,
      Yes we have had some problems here at WP, there have been a few that were unable to comment. 😦
      But I’m glad you were able to comment this time, and also glad you enjoyed the joke. πŸ˜€

  31. You find the best jokes. Thanks for sharing them and happy weekend to you.

  32. They were all hilarious, Mags!

  33. Craig Hill says:

    Thanks for a nice start to a Monday morning πŸ™‚

  34. Fergiemoto says:

    Ha, ha…thanks for the end of weekend laughs!

  35. Randel says:

    I loved the clean fun joke. I shared it with a few changes for someone in a hospice who has been married 58 years. He liked it alot. He always especially liked the clean fun ones. Thank you.

  36. hahaha! this is hilarious! made my morning. .

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