Parrot/Privacy/Driver (Weekend Jokes)

The Parrot And The Magician
A magician was working on a cruise ship. There was a different audience each week so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat”. “Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table”. “Hey, why are all these cards the Ace of Spades?”

The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course!

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. this went on for a day and another and another. After about a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. Where’s the boat?”

  • Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
  • Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.


 
Privacy
Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV:

“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”

Young Driver
The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends. They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home.

That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad’s car, pick up some girls and go to the local disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening.

When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car – someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panel-beater/spray-painter to fix their dad’s car.

Finally they found one who said they must have the car at his house early next morning. The car was fixed properly and they parked it back in the garage that afternoon.

Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, “A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch!”

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63 Responses to Parrot/Privacy/Driver (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Turber says:

    You live and you learn! Thanks for teaching me how to improve guarding my privacy. :)

  2. Linda Vernon says:

    Haha! Mags! You pick the best jokes! I give up where the boat! :D

  3. Always good to start the weekend with some laughs! Haha!
    Have a fun weekend!

  4. starlaschat says:

    A miracle that’s a funny joke. I also really liked the advice of a RV camper that is probably a true story and I bet it works! Thanks Mags for the smiles. :+) Have a Great Weekend!

  5. aFrankAngle says:

    Nice nuggets for life in the bullets. Parrot and the magician is my fav … and a classic! Enjoy your weekend (which has already started).

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Frank,
      Glad you enjoyed the little bits in the bullets and the jokes, yep it’s Saturday here, still early in the morning. :D
      Have a great weekend.

  6. Windsmoke. says:

    Bonza jokes, i especially like the cheeky parrot and the privacy one :-).

  7. BoJo Photo says:

    Great door tag! :)

  8. malc50 says:

    Thanks for starting my weekend with a smile, Mags. … now back to marking assignments.

  9. barb19 says:

    Haha – thanks for the weekend chuckles Mags!

  10. niasunset says:

    Thank you for this beautiful smiling moments… Love, nia

  11. jmgoyder says:

    Love that car one – I really look forward to these weekend jokes!

  12. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    TOTALLY TOTALLY LOVED THIS! This is just great :)

    I had actually heard the first one before, but it had the F word in it – especially at the end ‘OK, you win, where’s f’ing ship?’ I just loved that one :)

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi WFFME,
      Happy to hear you had a laugh. Yes I rearrange a lot of jokes, as I have a lot of familys that read my blog, so I try and keep it all family friendly. :D
      Have a good weekend.

  13. Those were great Mags! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

  14. :lol: Mags you always pick the best jokes ..what a laughter riot and its an international laughter day too..so an apt post :)
    its so much fun to visit your blogs :)
    have a lovely weekend :)

  15. Indira says:

    My Saturday mornings are much better with your weekend jokes, thanks.

  16. tempo says:

    Great jokes Mags, I hadnt heard any of these so of course I pinched a few for later

  17. Lynn says:

    I love parrots!!They always say the truth…but they also talk too much.Sometimes is not good to be so clever and say it.:)

  18. cestlavie22 says:

    Well I gotta say you it the nail on the head- Bills really do travel at twice the speed of mail LMAO! Thanks for the laughs :)

  19. E.C. says:

    Thanks so much for a fun set of chuckles to start my Saturday morn. :lol:

  20. reb says:

    Thank you so much … what a good chuckle I had — all of them were brilliant!

  21. jakesprinter says:

    Clever Parrot lol, great post Mags :)

  22. Good ones mate, especially the parrot one
    Cheers
    Aussie Ian aka Aussie Emu

  23. I’m not as original as I hoped I was, but to restate what the others have, the parrot joke was the funniest of a bunch of good jokes. If only I could remember them I’d be the hit of the party!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Ronnie,
      Yes the parrot one seems to be the most popular. Jokes are a big thing here at party’s, if it’s a long joke and I find it funny, I usually just try to remember a couple of lines, then when I get home I jot it down, or sometimes for the very long jokes the person that told it will very kindly sent it to me. :D

  24. hotlyspiced says:

    For all the luck in China – to be shipwrecked with no one but the talking parrot. I have a few dings in my car. If only I woke to find a miracle had happened xx

  25. dearrosie says:

    MY favorites are the insurance sign and the young driver!

  26. So nice to sit back and read all these jokes, Mags! Thanks. :) I give up, where’s the boat. Cute!

  27. What a fantastic idea – I am now thinking of having a badge made with Insurance Agent – ask me about a package on – it will surely stop people from telling me about their piles and other unsavouries when I am in a queue. Many thanks.

  28. I’d already seen the last one but I loved that parrot joke. Were you inspired by the Titanic?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Lady Marilyn,
      Actually as I was doing the joke I thought twice on whether I should do the parrot or not, in some strange way it didn’t seem appropriate because of the Titanic anniversary, but of course in the end I obviously posted it, I’m glad you enjoyed it and had a bit of a laugh. :D

  29. I really love that parrot joke, Mags. Whenever I go to your page, I always take a glance on it, and I always end up getting stuck as I crack over and again = )) that was crazy hilarious = ))

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