Dublin/Words (Weekend Jokes)

Dublin Bar

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin,

Orders three pints of Guinness & sits in the corner of the room,

Drinking a sip out of each pint in turn.

When he had finished all three, He went back to the bar & ordered three
more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it ……….
Your pint would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America ; & de odder in Australia ;  & here I am in Dublin .  When we all left home, we promised dat we’d drink dis way to remember de days we all dranktogedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom & says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer, & always drinks the same way …….
Ordering three pints & drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are
finished.

One day, he comes in & orders just two pints.

All the other regulars in the bar notice!  & fall silent.

When he goes back to the bar for the second round,

The barman says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to
offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops & he starts to
laugh,

“Oh no,” he says, “Bejesus, everyone is fine !

Tis me, ……………………. I’ve
Quit Drinking !”

Thank You Campbell for the joke.

Male and Female Students

An English Professor wrote the following words on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly – “A woman without her man is nothing”
 
All the males in the class wrote, “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

All the females in the class wrote, “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

The shy, young man is thinking about asking his girl to marry him, but he doesn’t know how to say it, so he asks his father, “Dad, what did you say to mum so she married you?”

“I only said ‘OH NO!!!’ and then we got married the next day.”

Words

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, where as women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said “What?”

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82 Responses to Dublin/Words (Weekend Jokes)

  1. Mags, Thanks again for starting my weekend out the right way. I loved the Dubliner joke. Wally

  2. Mags – I have seen that ‘woman without her man is nothing’ – it was great to be reminded. Clever and funny. :=)

  3. aFrankAngle says:

    It’s late Friday afternoon, so I thought I’d start the weekend with your day.🙂 … Good ones, Dublin bar my fav! Enjoy your weekend.

  4. A great belly laugh from Magsx2 is always the best start to a weekend — thank you!

  5. Some I had heard before, but, as always, great choices!
    Scott

  6. munchow says:

    Another good laugh from you, my friend. I think my favourite this time is the one about the shy, young man who wants to get married.

  7. Windsmoke. says:

    Bonza jokes especially the last one🙂.

  8. Bruce says:

    Love the Dublin Bar joke; a good laugh first thing this morning.

  9. malc50 says:

    A pity Patrick had to give up drinking, but at least both his brothers continue the tradition. 🙂 Thanks Mags. Havagoodweekend, Cheers, Mal.

  10. Doraz says:

    🙂 Thank you for spreading the laughter in this world. Have a great weekend.🙂

  11. Great start to my weekend Mags! Hope you have a great weekend!

  12. Mags, your jokes are getting better and better! I shouted with laughter at them all – and I’m still drinking my morning coffee, so no alcohol involved!

  13. Elyse says:

    Thanks, Mags. I loved the last one the most!

  14. El Guapo says:

    Laughed at all of them, loudest at “OH NO”.
    Thanks for starting the weekend with a laugh, Magsx2!

  15. am still laughing..!! the beer joke! Hilarious…loved the post..

  16. hotlyspiced says:

    I love the one about the Irishman who’s quit drinking! xx

  17. travelrat says:

    Reminds me of the group of Army cadets, alarmed by the reckless driving of their officer, who punctuated a road-sign outside their camp to read:

    ‘Slow, Major! Road Ahead!’

    (Doesn’t work so well these days, now that such signs simply read ‘Give Way’ !)🙂

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi travelrat,
      Good one. I love it.😀
      Have a great weekend.

      • travelrat says:

        Re punctuation:

        At school, we were given a poem:

        ‘Every lady in this land
        Has twenty nails upon each hand
        Five and twenty on hands and feet.
        Now this is true without deceit’

        and invited to punctuate it so it made sense.

  18. You always have the best collection of jokes..had such a fun time reading them..specially the Dublin joke..too good🙂
    Wish you a funn weekend🙂

  19. reb says:

    Ahh ..what a great way to start this Saturday …with a laugh! Thank you, Mags:D

  20. jakesprinter says:

    Great Dublin Bar Joke “I love the taste of wine but still I don`t want to drink it ” till now ,LOL🙂

  21. Lynn says:

    Very funny all of them Mags!.I’ve started this weekend drinking some good “gazpacho”,very refreshing and full of vitamins.I’m going to need it becouse here the spring comes like the hot summer.
    Have a nice weekend!🙂

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Lynn,
      Enjoy, we are in Autumn and will be into Winter shortly, so for me it is nice to have some cooler weather for a change.😀
      Have a great weekend.

  22. Reblogged this on Inside Out Cafe and commented:
    Humor brings happiness to my world as well, Here are some great chuckles that will certainly make you smile!

  23. These are great, especially the English class one. Thanks for the laugh!🙂

  24. My goodness, I needed a big smile tonight – thank you!
    anne

  25. Thanks for the good laughs Mags! I liked the last one a lot hehe🙂 It’s very true, they never understand what we say ^^ have a nice weekend!

  26. Selma says:

    I love a good Irish joke. HILARIOUS!!!

  27. First one is an oldie but still a good laugh
    Cheers
    Aussie Ian aka Emu

  28. By the way, two things: 1) I am using one of your jokes in my church message tomorrow – posted the message on site, 2) Stop by tomorrow evening as you have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award!
    Scott

  29. dearrosie says:

    Very funny. Oh goodness me Mags another week when all the jokes were all excellent. Wow how do you find such gems?

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi dearrosie,
      Glad you enjoyed the jokes.😀
      I was just over at your blog, just fantastic the walk you are about to do, and I do wish you all the very best.

  30. I loved the punctuation joke best – so true…the second female version, obviously:)

  31. Cafe says:

    Lol thanks for the laughs, Mags! Hope you had a great weekend🙂

  32. starlaschat says:

    That was fun all those jokes are winners! I read them outloud. :+) :+) :+)

  33. robincoyle says:

    What a crack up. The last one is so true!

  34. Fergiemoto says:

    More great laughs! Thanks.

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