Customer/Nine Months (Weekend Jokes)

Demanding Customer

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it to be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
 
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.
 
“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

  • Why is the book “Women Who Love Too Much” a disappointment for many men? – No phone numbers.
  • If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
  • A closed mouth gathers no feet
  • It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.
  • If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with,
    “Quit while your ahead”?!

Nine Months Later

Bruce and Bob were on their way to the ski resort when they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They found a farmhouse and asked its rather attractive housewife if they could spend the night. “Oh, I don’t think so,” she explained. “You see, I’m recently divorced and you know how neighbours will talk.”
 
“Well, then,” said Bruce, “how about if we just sleep in your barn?” That seemed acceptable to all.

About nine months later, Bruce got a letter from the woman’s attorney. He immediately phoned his ski buddy, Bob. “Hey, Bob. Do you remember our ski trip and that good-looking divorcee? You didn’t happen to sneak into her house in the middle of the night, did you?”
 
“Well, yeah, I did.”

“And, by any chance did you happen to use my name instead of yours?”

Bob blushed. “Well, yeah, I’m afraid I did.”

“Hey, thanks! She just died and left me everything!”

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67 Responses to Customer/Nine Months (Weekend Jokes)

  1. aFrankAngle says:

    Tough picking my favorite as the first and last joke each took an unexpected twist. Plus the one-liners deserved this … http://instantrimshot.com/ …. enjoy your weekend.

  2. Still cracking up at Nine Months! Great launch to a weekend – thank you!

  3. “A closed mouth gathers no feet.” Now that one to live by!!!!!!!!!!

  4. robincoyle says:

    Terrific gathering of jokes to start the weekend.

  5. El Guapo says:

    The first joke is true – at a restaurant I worked at, we just walk up to the thermostat, fiddle with it a moment, then walk back to teh guest and tell them to give it a little while to kick in. No other way to deal with that.
    A closed mouth gathers no feet – If only I could learn that.
    Great jokes, as always Magsx2! Thanks for the laughs, and have a great weekend!

  6. Elyse says:

    Thanks, as always, Mags, for the nice start for the weekend!

  7. Do like that 1st one, Mags. There’s always one!🙂 Have an awesome weekend.

  8. Windsmoke. says:

    Bonza jokes, especially Nine Months Later the twisty ending caught me out big time🙂.

  9. reb says:

    Ohhh … terrific jokes [as always] but I really, really enjoyed 9 months.

    A closed mouth gathers no feet! That’s terrific too … certainly words to live by😀

  10. malc50 says:

    😀 Thanks Mags for a bright start to the weekend. Cheers, Mal.

  11. Selma says:

    They didn’t even have an air conditioner. That is priceless. Tee hee😆😆 Enjoy your weekend, Mags!

  12. Doraz says:

    Laughing in California. Thanks.🙂

  13. I’m feeling a bit under the weather…thanks for the laugh!!!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi The Squishy Monster,
      Oh that is not good at all, make sure you do a lot of relaxing this weekend, and hopefully you will feel better soon.
      Thank You very much for visiting and taking the time to comment.

  14. OMG lol ….these are so funny loved those one liners and the last joke was just too good🙂

  15. hotlyspiced says:

    That last one is a great joke. Have a wonderful weekend xx

  16. Barb says:

    I always look forward to your Friday jokes. Thanks.

  17. tempo says:

    Great jokes Mags

  18. jakesprinter says:

    You make my weekend happy again Mags🙂

  19. travelrat says:

    I just told the 9 months one to my hairdresser, and she damn’ nearly took my ear off!

    She countered with the one about the two female hikers who spent the night in a barn with two farm lads they’d just ‘pulled’. They presented the lads with a contraceptive each, which they insisted they wear, to prevent them having babies.

    Three days later, the two lads met:

    ‘Remember those women the other day? Do you really care if they have babies?’
    ‘No, not a bit!’
    ‘Right! Well, let’s get these damn’ things off! I’m dying for a leak!’

  20. ~mimo~ says:

    another great collection! Thanks Mags!

  21. Indira says:

    It’s a long wait for weekend jokes. Enjoyed.

  22. Cafe says:

    Haha so funny!! I love the first one especially🙂
    Thanks for sharing and have a lovely weekend, Mags!

  23. viveka says:

    Great stuff … love the top one best – to have customers is to walk that extra mile all the time.

  24. I don’t usually like jokes, however, the last one was funny.

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi purpleborough,
      I will most definitely take that as a compliment then, I am glad I brought a smile to your face.😀
      Have a great weekend.

  25. mj monaghan says:

    Nine months later was hilarious!!🙂

  26. Indira says:

    FRIDAY keeps me alive with laughter

  27. I always wait for the stimulating FRIDAY jokes and gets charged for a week

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Jyotirmoy,
      It is always good to start the weekend off with a bit of a laugh.😀
      Thank You for visiting and taking the time to leave a comment, I hope you have a great weekend.

  28. Anonymous says:

    I love the first one!! The last one…Do those things really happens…? This woman was absolutely desperate for a man…:)
    Have a nice weekend!!

  29. Anonymous says:

    I love the first one!! The last one .The latter is a bit surreal.
    Have a nice weekend!!

    • magsx2 says:

      Hi Anon,
      I’m glad you enjoyed the jokes. Who knows if things like that happen, it is a strange world we live in.😀
      Thank You for visiting and taking the time to comment.

  30. I waited table through college, so I had to laugh at the fist one – this could have been a true story! Thanks for sharing🙂

  31. Gotta like the good ones!
    Scott

  32. starlaschat says:

    Fun Jokes and a rim shot too boot. :+) I’m still smiling. :+)

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