It Pays to be Old
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared where Andy had carved
“I love you, Sally.”
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money: Fifty-thousand dollars!
Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”
Sally said, “Finders keepers.”
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door.
“Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?” Sally said, “No.”
Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.”
Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.”
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: “Tell us the story from the beginning”
Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . ..”
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, “We’re outta here.”
- We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
- Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
The Old Man
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to Church. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful 
attendance, the Priest went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Priest asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”
The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”
One day, the billionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!” 
The Sheik insisted so she said that she just started to golf and maybe a set of golf clubs would be nice. 
So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go.
“Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.” 
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
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